New Mom Confessions

Over at Oakland Avenue, Laura talks about her experiences as a new mom.  She down right says it all and about as bluntly as you can say it.  I think that's why I've come to appreciate the blogging community because you can say and read the honest truth.  As a new mom, I often need to hear the honest truth from other new moms.  I need to read that I'm not the only other mom who has let their baby fall off a bed, fall down the stairs or eat their eye shadow (all true).

I hate to admit that before I became a mom, I used to watch mothers in public places and judge their every move.  Little did I realize that being a mother would be the hardest job I have ever done, and the longest. When your child doesn't sleep, you don't sleep.  When your child cries incessantly, you cry.  When your child eats, you don't eat (because you're busy feeding them).  When your child plays, you play with them and then clean up after them.  When your child naps, you take a deep breath, make a batch of cookie dough, read uplifting blogs and write a blog post.  At least that's what I am doing today.

Last night while cruisin' on Bloglovin I ran across Erin at the Blue-Eyed Bride, particularly this post on Let Me Be Singing.  Over the past year I have felt drawn to the song 10,000 Reasons by Matt Redman but the lyrics never quite stood out to me until I read Erin's blog last night.  The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning, it's time to sing your song again.  Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me, let me be singing when the evening comes.  What a beautiful thought.

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning, I have a cup of coffee, read my Bible and pray.  I am uplifted, I am at peace, it's time to sing my song again.  As the day proceeds I feel the peace slowly chipped away by the stresses of life and the cries of my child.  That is not the way I want to live and the attitude I want to have.  Instead I want to say, whatever may pass and whatever lies before me, I will be singing when the evening comes.

I love my child, but being a mother is hard.  I love my child, but I can't bear the incessant crying.  I love my child, but I look forward to time by myself.  I love my child, but sometimes I question having another.

I love my child and so I will start every day fresh.  I love my child and so whatever lies before me in a day, I remember that it will pass.  I love my child and so I will sing when the evening comes.

Before I had a child, I did not know what love is.  "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never fails."  1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

Before I had a child, I never felt so weak and mentally challenged, but I gain hope in the fact that God's grace is sufficient for me and His strength is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

Every day as a mother I am made stronger by God's grace.  I rely on Him more now than I ever have.  At some point we all realize that we can't do it alone and we need God to take the reigns.  It took me 28 years and motherhood to realize this.  Because God holds the reigns now, I know that some day I will look back on this time and smile.  I will forget all the sleepless nights, the times I broke down and cried, even the pain of childbirth.  Instead I will remember my child's first laugh, his first steps, his first words and the sight of him falling asleep as I sing him Amazing Grace.  Let me be singing when the evening comes...